I have an aim. To say I have a goal sounds ambitious and that I’m working hard to achieve it. I’m not. And, at the same time, I’m looking at the calendar which is telling me that this is the last day of June. My goal is to post something on Substack at least twice a month. Here’s how I’ve done so far this year:
January 2 posts
February 2 posts
March 0 posts
April 2 posts
May 1 post
And June….. 1 post on June 2. Did I mention that it’s June 30? I’m feeling the pressure. I have a bunch of rough drafts in my folder, but I’m not feeling ready to post any of them yet.
That being said, this post is going to get posted and I can check that box. It’s not my best work, it’s not as intentional as I’d like, but it is me trying not to abandon myself (my goals) once again.
Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to tell you the things I’m currently working on. Maybe something will spark with you, maybe not, but here we go.
Not abandoning myself. I tend to not care for myself. I skip breakfast, I skip lunch. I don’t make doctor’s appointments. I don’t make plans for things I want to do because “What if someone needs me and I’m not available?” I don’t watch the TV shows that I want to watch. I’m making a list for when I don’t abandon myself. It’s not long, but it’s getting longer.
*By the way, I tried to find an antonym for abandon as it pertains to myself. No words really fit. We need one!
Accepting appreciation. I hear the appreciation, but tend to not trust it and I don’t believe it. I’m writing down a list when someone says something nice to me so that it can be more “solid” and something I can come back to and remind myself with.
Belonging to myself. Everyone wants to belong. I don’t know that belonging is a black and white concept. I don’t think we belong or we don’t. It’s something inside of ourselves and in one moment we can feel like we belong, and without anything external changing, the next moment we can feel like we don’t. I’m going internal with this one and working on belonging to me.
Relying on myself. No one can answer my questions about myself but me. No one can know my insecurities and shame but me. No one can know what will bring healing for myself but me. No one can know what I want but me. I’m not on my own, I have lots of help, but I am responsible for me.
Thank you for continuing to stick with me and read the meanderings of my mind. I appreciate you! Write that down and let it stick. I appreciate how you read, respond, and help me grow. Thank you!
Life isn't easy! When I was young, I thought that adults had it all figured out. Nope, that was so wrong! Life, like dealing with cancer, is a journey. No simple answers, no end until death. We just continue to journey. Never give up! Blessings
❤️